Hague intentions

Christmas in England was followed swiftly by New Year in the Netherlands. On arrival, the first forage in my local Albert Heijn landed a new one from the never-not-funny Dutch brewery Hoop. They've co-opted Hope's seasonal deckchair guy for the label of Winter Warming Chocolate Porter. The appearances fitted the description: a thick texture, a deepest brown colour and a dark tan head. The aroma is rich dark chocolate, hinting at a big sweetness to come. It doesn't really, though. There's certainly lots of chocolate flavour but it's balanced by a burnt edge of heavy roast coffee. That tarry effect lasts long into the finish and is of a quality usually found in export stouts stronger than this 6% ABV. This is novelty-free winter warmth in a tidy little packet. Well played Hoop.

I also picked up the Winterbier from AB InBev's local footprint Hertog Jan. The first surprise was that it's golden rather than dark. It doesn't smell very wintery either -- intensely sweet, like honey liqueur or pink lollipops. Thankfully the flavour is rather less intense. If anything it's even a little thin, despite 8.8% ABV. It tastes of lightly floral candy with overtones of nougat and brown sugar. Think of it as an overclocked Belgian-style blonde, or a stripped-back tripel. It's fine, but not the warming winter job I was hoping for.

And I was never going to pass up a black IPA when I saw one of those in the supermarket. Step up Maria Magdalena from Jopen. It's definitely black, and the ABV is a middle-of-the-road 6%. Bright and fresh lemon sherbet sings in the aroma, turning bitterer in the flavour, with notes of tar and tobacco. That super-clean citrus zest returns in the finish. This is a beautifully done example of the style; not overdoing the roast, the bitterness, or the hop flavours but making excellent use of all three sides, holding them in balance. I could merrily quaff this by the pint, and at under €2 a bottle it's an absolute steal.

At the slightly posher Plus supermarket I picked up Tre Fontane Tripel, the first to come my way from Italy's only Trappist brewery. 8.5% ABV and a dark orange colour, it leans heavily on the spices, bringing a kind of aftershave effect. There's lots of yeast character, though dull and savoury rather than the bright and sparky Belgian sort. Thankfully there's enough rounded mellow warmth for this not to matter. Afterwards comes a resinous green herbal quality, all rosemary, wintergreen and eucalyptus. A more typically Belgian note of dark fruit finishes it off. This is a slow drinker, heavy and plodding, but with much to enjoy along the way. I'd still prefer a Westmalle, though.

A haul from the expensive off licence with the ironic name, Free Beer, brings this next lot. First is a Danish sour IPA from Alefarm Brewing called Nogenlunde Afklaret Og Fuldt Ud Til Stede ("Somewhat Clarified And Fully Out Of Place" wut?) It's a translucent orange colour without much head and is a big 6.2% ABV. That's excessive for what it is: a cleansing and refreshing tart ale, the base alkaline soda sweetened up with cherry and forest fruit cordial notes. A little more hop flavour would have improved it, but what's there is decent, if unexciting.

Beside it, Mathom, a toffee praline stout from Spanish brewer The Flying Inn. It's pretty much spot on for the pastry stout style: just enough roast and bitterness to balance it, but mostly all about those sweet chocolate and liqueur flavours. There's a definite nuttiness in there too. 7% ABV is light for this sort of thing, and that's no harm. The beer drinking experience probably shouldn't include feelings of relief when the product isn't horribly overwrought, but that's where we are with this.

Next out was Live Transmission, a milkshake IPA from Canadian brewery Flying Monkeys. I expected this would be hazy but instead it's a bright golden shade. Turns out the lees had settled to the bottom of the can. They murked-up my glass on the second pour, though this didn't change the taste. The ingredients list is substantial: orange peel, grapefruit and something called a "soft coconut white tea", plus Citra, Idaho 7 and Mosaic hops. Anyway, out of all that the coconut dominates, leaving it smelling like a girly shampoo. This continues in the flavour, although here there's just enough of a bitter snap to complement the coconut sweetness, meaning it tastes more like a dark Bounty bar than a milk one. The citrus peel lands on the lips at the end, intensely sweet and slightly sticky, like a balm. This isn't bad if you don't mind sweet and have no objection to coconut. The idea of something with so little hop character being badged as an IPA is daft, though.

And then the attractively named Poesiat & Kater Muuke, endeared to me from the shelf with a description of "must wine pale ale". I don't know, must it? It's a clear and lagery gold with a thin head. It's heavily fizzy, with a soft lemon vitamin-tablet bitterness, shading towards soluble aspirin. Where's the grape? Well... there's the vaguely fruit perfume effect of a Muscat, some Champagne-ish toast, but no real grape. A corky funk finishes it off in a way that's certainly wine-like, but not terribly enjoyable. This hits its beats in a rudimentary, lacklustre way. It's fine, but does nothing interesting.

The city's other high end offie is Dorst, where I got Van Haver Tot Gort, a 10% ABV imperial stout from Hooglander Bier. The Dutch have nailed this style, presumably under pressure from the world-class De Molen. This example is spot-on as usual: a big treacle body purveying an assertive liquorice bitterness. For complexity there's a lavender and rosewater bathroom-cabinet seam. I don't know the brewery but I'll keep an eye out for them. Hopefully this is not a one-off.

Right on cue, this was followed by Senning & Sensatie, a De Molen imperial stout. This one has special effects from smoked malt, chilli and cocoa. That has weakened it a bit as it's a sober 9.8% ABV. It achieves a lot with what it has, however, and I was surprised by the bite of iodine from the peated malt at the outset. A chocolate sweetness spreads across the palate after that, the chilli relegated to the very finish where it adds a polite complexity I would have liked more of. Still, this doles out the flavours in fair proportion and an orderly fashion.

Of course, it wasn't all sitting in drinking takeaway beers. Next up: to the pub!