In the interests of balance

Like many a hardcore beer geek I'm a fan of Rheinbacher, the cheap and cheerful house pilsner from Aldi. In accordance with the natural of order of things there is a Lidl equivalent: the equally hardy Perlenbacher. I have never featured it here, but was I being unfair by giving Rheinbacher all the glory? I didn't try them blind but did drink them one after the other so I think this is a fairly accurate comparative assessment.

It's not as good. It's not even nearly as good. Perlenbacher is very slightly weaker, at 4.8% ABV, but is thicker and immediately sweeter. There's an almost worty flavour and quite a greasy feel. No cripness; no hop bittering; just porridgey malt. To be fair, it does compare favourably with other cheap crappy lagers, and even a few expensive crappy ones. There's none of the nasty tinny twang that afflicts them, and the texture is far from thin. Maybe this simply appeals to a different demographic, one which prefers pilsner to have more meat on its bones. I will take the finely-honed balance of Rheinbacher over this, literally any day of the week.

And you know how it is when you go to Lidl: you come out with more than you intended to buy. In my case, in the interests of thoroughness, I picked up a can of Perlenbacher Hefe Weissbier to see if they fare any better with a more forgiving style. The packaging is pretty grim: there's something very unflattering about that fleshtone beige. The beer inside, 5% ABV, is quite dark for this sort of thing, which bodes well. I can't abide wateriness in weissbier. The aroma has a pleasant, middle-of-the-road blend of sweet banana and nutmeg spicing. Its flavour is light and cheery without being bland. Yes it's on the sweet side but not cloyingly so. I get vanilla, strawberry and spongecake, in a public-school-dessert combination, at once comforting yet refreshing. Good fun for under €2 a can, though maybe too strong and sweet to serve as a session beer. Just one with breakfast is fine.

Both of these seem to have been brewed for the sweet-toothed budget-conscious beer drinker. In my selfish opinion nobody should be brewing pilsners to cater to them. Try the weiss, though, next time there's room in your trolley.