What about a bottled otter?

Today I'm presenting a veritable smorgasbord from east Donegal's finest, Otterbank. And it's all authentic, honest, bottled Ulster product too, none of those cans they get the jackeens to lash out under the Otterbank label. Sure you wouldn't know what they put in that stuff.

First up is The Poisoned Glen, a bière de garde. I have many problems with the style rulebooks put before us by the assorted self-appointed arbiters of quality beer, and not least of them is the total lack of consideration given to how a beer sounds. The Poisoned Glen, first and foremost, sounds like a bière de garde: a busy, somewhat high-pitched crackle, bubbles swarming noisily to the surface though never quite forming a stable head. It looks like a bière de garde too: the standard slightly murky red-brown. For a style that very seldom comes my way, I seem to have very definite ideas about its attributes. Anyway, crisp and lightly fruity? Yes, it's that. Rye crackers, wholegrain bread, red apple, raisins and marmite are all in there; dry as you like, but with a plummy ripeness in contrast. If the style arbiters had invented it today they'd call it something like "86C: Amber Saison" so it's just as well the French farmers got there before them. This is a bang-on example of what bière de garde ought to be and I commend it to anyone who's never had one.

The next pair are part of series called Cake Dealer, beginning on Mango & Passionfruit, described as a "mixed fermentation pastry sour" which is not a designation one sees very often, being almost against the hallowed strictures of pastry sour. The cake comes from Yum, a local bakery, and the pair of them are doing their bit for the circular economy. But how's the beer? It's a rather dull and murky orange in the glass, not bothering with a head. The fruit smoothie is foremost in both the aroma and flavour, but there's a tang there too, a hint of Brettanomyces funk. No more than a hint ever materialises, however, and it's sweet tropical fruit all the way otherwise. What's interesting to this nerd is that, for once, the passionfruit isn't dominant and there's more mango. I wonder is some of that soft lusciousness down to the Brett. It's not especially sweet, which is good, and there's a welcome spark of black pepper on the finish. Overall it's decent and fun, expertly treading a fine line between serious and daft.

That's beginner-level Cake Dealer. The serious stuff comes in a 75cl bottle: BA Chocolate Brownie Stout, 10.5% ABV, made with chocolate brownies in the grist and then aged in mezcal barrels. That spirit side is very apparent from the aroma: it has that slightly sickly, oily smell like tequila, suggesting that a slice of lime wouldn't go amiss in here. It's very sweet to taste but not really in a stouty way. Instead it's the barrels again, with a mix of vanilla and lemon squash. It's... interesting, but I'm a bit disappointed there's no chocolate or coffee notes on offer. This is more like one of those sour stouts that you get from Belgian breweries from time to time. In fact it much more resembles a Belgian oud bruin than proper stout. As such, I'm not a fan. This tangy attenuated effort isn't what I want from something called "Cake Dealer". 

We finish on what I thought was a straight Baltic porter, albeit a strong one at 12.3% ABV, but it's not. Segway Segue is first of all a collaboration with regular Otterbank conspirator Third Barrel and has been aged in Bushmills barrels with added Brettanomyces. Phew! The result is extremely wine-like, mixing juicy red grape with dark toasted oak. Throw in a few squares of high-cocoa chocolate and sprinkle of cinnamon and you have something close to the complete picture. It's really not a whole lot like a Baltic porter, which is a little disappointing, but it's highly enjoyable as whatever the hell it ended up being. 

That's fair enough, but no hazy IPA? What are they playing at?