Don't tell me what to do

I have Mr Thomas Carroll to thank for this can of Helles, the first and, so far, only beer under the Tilt & Pour brand out of Belfast. It was brewed at Heaney in Bellaghy and is 5.2% ABV. Any thoughts of pristine classic Bavarian lager are banished quickly by the murky amber body under a space where a head appears briefly then vanishes. "Our take on the infamous [sic] German lager" says the label. Very much so, says I.

The aroma is sweet and candy-like, suggesting clove rock and fruity Skittles. Not very Teutonic, but there's a little buzz of celery or spinach too, so all is not lost. I'm glad the flavour isn't sickly, and instead it has a drier brown bread or rye cracker effect at the centre. That said, it can't shake the higher alcohols, and it tastes a bit warm-fermented, of ethyls and esters -- something that's tolerable for a sip or two but becomes a chore by half way.

I'm no style purist. I'm not upset that this isn't a burnished gold lager, fluffy of texture and exquisitely balanced between spongecake malt and herbal hops. But it's not a good lager at all, leaning too far in to the rustic farmhouse thing, except without the charm. Were it a home brew I'd be suggesting its maker do something about fermentation temperature before attempting anything else similar. Since it's not I'll just say thanks but no thanks.