Zany Lithuany

An "Australian Pale Ale" from Lithuania in a pint can? There was no way I was going to pass that by when I spotted it on the shelves of the local SuperValu, especially when it said "limited supply" on the tin. Volfas Engelman APA, from the "Tastes of the World" series, is hopped with Galaxy, Ella, Topaz, Perle and Kiwi interloper Rakau. It's a medium pale amber colour with considerable haze, some of which had been stuck to the bottom of the can and was unexpectedly disturbed.

No fruity Aussie hops in the aroma, or much else really -- maybe a slight nondescript citrus note. Same for the flavour, unfortunately. There's a sweet cereal core with artificial candy-fruit topnotes, but none of it very strong. The texture is light for 5% ABV and I would all but swear it's a lager rather than an ale. It certainly tastes like it's from a brewery used to cool fermentation. I had high hopes for something exciting but this is actually a bit dull.

To follow that, Vyšnių Kriek, another style from another place. It was only when I took it out of the fridge that I noticed the fancy embossed bottle wasn't a legit half-litre. You have to really search the label to find where they've hidden "0,4L". They, incidentally, are Kalnapilio-Tauro Grupė, part of Danish giant Royal Unibroue, under the Vilkmergės brand.

It looks well: a deep mahogany red with a head of pink fluff, just like real Belgian kriek, of the sweetened variety. The aroma is pure cherry syrup and I love its frivolity. It's as sweet as might be expected but doesn't taste artificially cherry-like. Instead there's a real sensation of biting into a maraschino. The texture is suitably smooth, full-bodied from 5% ABV, and yet the finish is clean with no cloying sugar left behind. This is very silly but delightful. And yes I'm aware that's likely a minority opinion.

There's a companion stout as well: Juodųjų Serbentų Stout. A pinkish colour with a peachy tint to the head foam had me reaching for the translator, where I discovered "juodųjų serbentų" are blackcurrants in Lithuanian. I could have just sniffed it, of course, because it smells powerfully of hot Ribena. The flavour too is all clangy sweet syrup to the same degree as the kriek. I don't like blackcurrant as much as cherry, and I was looking forward to a proper stout, so I was not as enchanted by this. As well as a complete lack of stout character it's annoyingly thin too. That prevents it being sticky but I would like more substance at 5.5% ABV. Unless you're more into blackcurrants than beer, give this one a miss.

And I couldn't let April 20th go by without something herbal. Aukštaitijos Bravorai has produced the medium-dark hemp lager called, starkly, Cannabis, with a picture of the plant in case you're too stoned to read. It's 5% ABV and the amber colour of Czech polotmavý beer, which is the broad genre I'd place it in. Chocolate malt is listed on the ingredients, but not much, I guessed from the colour. Yet the aroma is very chocolatey, like cake mix. The same goes for the flavour: cheap and dusty ersatz milk chocolate and sweet soft caramel. I'm very glad it's a lager so there's some modicum of cleanness and no long cloying aftertaste, but it's still a bit of an assault. You can pretty much forget about hemp flavour: that was unlikely to survive in this. Maybe there's a little peppery bite at the back of the throat, but that's the full extent of it. A very poor show this, and not at all the beer I was hoping for. Even as an amber lager with no gimmicks it's shonky as hell.

Kriek for the win, then.